Sabbathless Musings

In case you haven't noticed, we have not been practicing the Sabbath as of lately.  A cornucopia of Excuses flutter through my mind even as I type this:  Vacations, Family Visits, Camping Trips, The Start of the School Season, Grad School.  Joining the Excuses are the Defenses and Half-Truths: Camping is Kind of a Sabbath, Half Day Sabbaths are OK, Right?, We'll Start Again Next Month, Practicing Because We Have to Isn't Honorable.  And you see, they all deserve capital letters, well, because they have been Running my Life.  (Even as I type this, I consider the irony that Run is missing only one letter from Ruin...)

Oh yeah, it's a party of misery in my head, and misery sure loves company. 

This is the company I have been keeping since not practicing the Sabbath faithfully:

• I've become god again.  I am the self-reliant beast that glares back at me in the mirror.  The fate of my school rests on my shoulders.  The pressure sets, doubling my heart and mind over in fear and anxiety.  If I don't do this, think this, perform in this way...then the very outcome of a school I've committed to, a program I've invested in, and the students I've fallen in love with will implode.  Poor Mary, that's quite a burden you choose to carry.
• I've lost mental track of what's important.  What consumes my mind 100% of the time?  My job.  What keeps me up at night in apprehensive tension?  My job.  What saps me of the Love I receive and the love I give?  My job.  What drowns out the call for intercession, the inspiration to live in a prayerful world where I am not the only one with needs and wants?  My job.  The Sabbath was a pair of spectacles I wore for a much needed perspective...that "the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."
• My life is defined by objects (and ironically objectives), the what's and how's and by's.  Instead of the who's.  The Sabbath ensured I treasured the gift of companionship--at home, in my family, at my job...and within.
• I've lost the discipline and inspiration to run.  I'm not sure the connection here, but I would be a fool to suppose that it doesn't exist.
• Guilt is my best friend...again.  He often joins me, but the Sabbath was a way of consistently sacrificing his presence at the altar of His Presence.  Now I practically nurse in his lap.

And so, somehow, someway, I repent.  I will commit to the consistent practice of the Sabbath.  Again.  Soon.  Somehow.

For which I address you now, dear reader, dear God, interrupt the circus of foolishness, clowns, and demons in my head, and remind me of what's of the most worth...