Remember us! We're the ones who have devoted a year of practicing the Sabbath in an effort to draw closer to our own souls, each other's, as well as God's soul.
We're also the ones who have fallen of the blog-planet as we know it. The summer has been a whirlwind of daily Sabbath decisions and commitments, but few weekly ones. One primary reason is that I have been out of town so much; is there such a thing as a traveling Sabbath? That might be another post...
My summer is winding down, and the return of the whole-reason-I-started-practicing-the-Sabbath is upon me: the school year.
I'm.
not.
okay.
with.
that.
Our marriage is not okay with that.
Nor do I think God is okay with that.
It is a holy thing to give myself wholly to my job. It is after all, a calling to me; a ministry if you will. However, it is not holy to be a martyr for my job. To lay myself on the altar of teaching. So this year, I must learn balance. The art of saying no. The practice of saying no. The discipline of saying no.
What I must remind myself--dare I say we all must remind ourselves--is that every yes has a hidden no entangled beneath its outer glossy shell; saying yes always means saying no to something else. Saying yes to one more task at school is saying no to more time with Dave; it is saying no to my marriage. Saying yes to my boss for one more contribution is saying no to my own soul time; it is saying no to my relationship with God. Saying yes to one more responsibility at work is saying no to my home, my pets, my health. Thank God we don't have kids; I only fear how many times I would have said no to them in the past three years of my teaching career.
And so, I hold to the words I have poured into my thirsty mind and soul this summer:
"God is not found in the soul by adding anything, but by subtracting." Meister Eckhart
"A being is free only when it can determine and limit its activity." (emphasis added) Karl Barth
"Test the premise that you are worth more than what you can produce..." Barbara Brown Taylor
In the end, I surrender to the paradoxical conviction that saying no more at work--in other words, practicing daily Sabbatical choices--will make me a better teacher. Rooting myself in Inspiration unleashes my own pedagogical fire. Building an honorable marriage is a good example. Being full of the Real, the True, allows me to overflow with love to others. And that after all, is exactly the kind of teacher I want to be: inspiring, loving, a role model.
Inspiring! I hope this year brings us both more peace, and if not, that we find closure in having to leave our students behind in hopes of finding a place where we can teach AND take care of ourselves and our families. You said it best when you said, "I can no longer sacrifice myself on the alter of ACHS." There are people in the school who do dedicate their lives to ACHS, but we, together, need to make an effort to NOT be those people anymore. Our days of being martyrs need to be behind us. I choose my faith, my marriage, my kids, and keeping my bff sane, and will work with you to make that happen this year.
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ReplyDeleteNice to see you in print again-- I missed your posts! Saying no, stepping off the treadmill, getting a little more off-the-grid; not always easy choices in the midst of demands. But you're so right-- vital to our hearts and minds.
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